In one of the greatest psychological experiments, researchers have found out that people often lie. Averagely, they lie at least once or twice a day. The challenge is how to deal with a liar?
It is proven that half of the people who want to make a deal lie when they have an opportunity or motivation.
We usually see lying as a better solution although it might face a new reaction by the party. So deceiving each other in negotiations, making deals with lies is a great sadness. We have to prepare ourselves to avoid it.
Probably, you think the solution is to be able to know someone’s lying, is easy.
There is an expression in games that lying involves, such as bluffing and poker. It says a person can’t certainly recognize the liar with one’s specific and small reactions and moves.
What is poker face?
It is an expression for the game “Poker.” Poker is a game with cards. Each person has some cards, and now one of them has to win by lying and bluffing. In this game, the other parties mustn’t understand your happiness or sadness with your facial expressions. So they use an expression called “Poker Face.” It means we have a mask which prevents the other parties from figuring out our happiness and sadness by looking at our face so someone will win because they can’t see our happiness our sadness.
It is not true. Proofs have shown that only 54% of people can recognize that someone is lying. (this is not better than a chance to flip a coin).
Even the best-invented technologies to distinguish the liars get confused sometimes!
People can’t determine the lies about flattery:
– Boss’s promise to promote you
– The guarantee for your task to be taken care of
We used to accept the information we have expected. Can we guarantee that we haven’t been deceived in a negotiation?
Yes! If we try to concentrate on not being deceived instead of determining it, we can certainly say we never have.
Some scientific strategies help us to lead the negotiation the way that the party can’t lie to us. Although these strategies may not lead to a win-win negotiation, you at least can experience an improved one with the maximum profit. This way, you learn how to deal with liars.
1- Improve your tit for tat skill
People tend to repay the disclosures. When someone tells some sensitive information, our instinct wants us to measure its credibility. The fact that we easily tell people that others (familiar or foreigner) have exposed some of their secrets, they think about recompense instinctively.
When we let ourselves to tell someone’s secret to a third party, we have to consider that fact that the first person will know we shared their secret. This way, he thinks of recompense.
Tit for tat happens in face-to-face relationships. Of course, the primary purpose of a negotiation is not to force a close relationship.
People lie less to ones they are familiar with and know.
One good strategy is to be the first one to reveal information because the other one may share the same info).
Imagine you want to sell a property. The price of land depends on its growing ways so we can say to the buyer that we want to sell this land for the best cause.
It may force him to talk about some of his plans and lead our conversation to a specific purpose which results in win-win agreements.
The advantage of this strategy is that we can set the negotiation, achieve better success, gain more opportunities and know how to deal with a liar before he even gets the chance to lie.
2- Ask the right question
Most of the people think they are honest! However, they try so hard to keep their valuable information to themselves. On the other words, they tell lies without even knowing it and can’t succeed in telling the truth.
For example, consider a person who wants to sell his product, but he knows he has to replace some necessary supplies. Probably he thinks it’s unethical to hide the truth, but he figures out that he can sell the product with a higher price and ignore telling the customer that the product needs improvements.
Then he justifies his lying by saying: “if the buyer has asked me, I would have told the truth!”
Not knowing the whole story is a risk, so you need to know how to deal with a liar by asking the right questions. Researches have shown that negotiators tell the truth 61% of the time when the other parties ask them specific questions while none of them tell the truth when there is no question involve.
Sadly, this strategy can have the opposite result!!!
In the same research, 39% of negotiators told lies even though questions were asked.
We can overcome this problem by choosing the right questions.
For example, the seller tell fewer lies when you ask negative questions like: “do you think that your product is in a good position now?” instead of positive questions like: “Does your product need new supplies?”
As it seems, people can easily tell a lie by confirming an incorrect phrase than rejecting a correct one. So you will know how to deal with a liar if you know how to use correct phrases.
3- Be careful that the other party doesn’t ignore answering
Tripping parties ignore telling the truth by saying no to the questions and try to answer the question that they have expected.
Sadly, we can’t distinguish this avoidance naturally.
Listeners don’t focus on avoidance because they have forgotten the question they have asked in the beginning.
People are impressed by flattery and evasion (even if it’s irrelevant) more than valid and relevant answers. However, nowadays we know how to deal with a liar by asking the right questions.
So you need to go to a negotiation with a stack of papers filled with the right questions. It’s better if you put some blanks in the sheets for the other party’s answers.
4- Do not focus on your secrecy
When you want to assure the other party that their secrets are safe with us, it may cause more suspicious. Then they cooperate less than before and share less information.
The more you show you want to keep their secrets, the less the parties cooperate.
For example, less than half of people that guarantee to keep their secrets, agreed to a complete poll, while 75% of people who didn’t get such a guarantee didn’t agree with it.
Of course, you still need to have secrecy, but there is no reason to show that because it may cause more suspicious.
People reveal information without even knowing it. For example, imagine you are the Procurement Officer and want to make a deal with a producer. He promised to deliver the product in six months.
Before you sign, he asks you what happens if there is a delay in delivery. It may not be deliberately, but it can worry him about his plan.
So we have to consider it!
When people reveal secrets without knowing it, let it at least be specific and delicate.
“tripping negotiators know that valuable info will gather by listening to what the other party says and even irrelevant comments. It’s the same as when interrogators seek explanations from suspects of a crime, but they use ways that include facts and unknown to people.
6- Ask the hard questions honestly
Even if the other party doesn’t want to share info, you can gain it by asking the hard questions.
What to do now?
In a negotiation, you may use indirect techniques to gain info. For example, we offer two choices for the party-two options that are acceptable for both of us. If he prefers one of them to the other, he reveals some info about his preferences, and you can analyze the situation. It may even change the result of the negotiation.
Here, there is another strategy that might force him to reveal his secrets: bringing the possible conditions that are an appendix to his financial results.
If he prevents from agreeing on that, it can mean he is lying. At least such a reaction forces us to dig more.
For example, imagine your negotiation is to start up a small business. The other party has predictions that will be harmful to us. in this situation; we can offer a possible condition that makes the buying price closed to selling level. This offer may motivate the other party to bring realistic predictions. Even if he makes some mistakes, it won’t harm our business.
Lies can be a real obstacle and prevents negotiation values from being granted.
The good news is that the extent of scientific strategies can be the best ways to progress a negotiation with fewer lies. Then you can know how to deal with a liar much easier than before.