reason for the lack of self-confidence and its remedy
Lack of self-confidence is one thing that everyone might experience in their lives. In this article, I want to talk about its causes. I chose most of the reasons and the solutions from Barbara De Angelis book: Self-Confidence.
Why people suffer from lack of self-confidence?
Barbara De Angelis says that we all groan about not having self-confidence but boosting it is not very pleasant to us either! She says: “Although you suffer the lack of self-confidence, you complain about it and you pretend to be willing to have it, you are addicted to some of its hidden social and psychological advantages unconscious and without even knowing it. You can’t cease your manners and behavior. Therefore, you pretend to be someone who doesn’t have self-confidence and can’t change.”
We enlisted some of the hidden advantages:
1- You make people pity you.
2- You make other to encourage, inspire and console you. You want them to settle your life for you.
3- You act the way so that no one hates you and everyone loves you because you are cautious, never a threat to them and you never compete with them.
4- You never fear for failures because you never start a task.
5- You have an excuse for all your misbehaviour and unhealthy habits because everyone knows how poor and miserable you are.
6- You absorb others attention, admiration, kindness, and pity because they think they have to do everything in their power to make you feel a little better.
The main reason is this: when others know that we are not self-confident enough, we don’t have to accept the consequences for our actions, we don’t need to do anything! Because the moment someone asks us why we don’t do anything, we start groaning about our bad luck and disabilities.
So why people don’t want to boost their self-confidence? Because deep down they enjoy the lack of self-confidence and it benefits them in some hidden ways.
Now, what should we do?
The best way is to accept that bad stuff happens to us by boosting our self-confidence but the damage is not as much as its profit. About three years ago one of my friends that blame the whole world for his actions and he had low self-confidence decided to get rid of the lack of self-confidence. He realized that something terrible is happening: most of his friends didn’t want to be with him anymore!
After some digging, it turned out that my friend built his self-confidence the way he could critic others’ laziness and lacking, so his friends didn’t want to be his friend anymore and see his success.
To sum up, we always have to be prepared to face the good and bad consequences of boosting our self-confidence. The fact is that higher self-confidence is much more valuable than low confidence or worse, the lack of self-confidence.