How to be likable?
How to be likable, is a general question. But I am going to give you a specific explanation about it. I want to suggest several applied, long-termed and logically methods to teach you how to be likable in public and of course in your personal life.
This article won’t just tell you how to be lovely, but also explain the charismatic personality meaning.
Imagine a person who wears torn clothes. It seems he hasn’t bathed for months. He is screaming and shouting and shooting everyone close to him. When he’s out of bullets, he starts throwing rocks and other stuff to others. He won’t stop yelling and screaming until the cops arrest him.
Who do you think this person is?
You probably say he’s an assassin or crazy.
Let me tell you the truth. He is the last soldier in a war and he saw women and children got raped and attacked. People he’s shooting at are the enemies. Now, who he is? You say he is brave and devoted!
I was on a plane once and the person who was next to me took off his shoes and sat and I didn’t like this action. I was on my way to teach public speaking and communications skills in another city and I was sitting next to a man who didn’t know anything about that. I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that I had to tolerate the bad smell. The trip seemed very long and I wasn’t comfortable.
After we arrived, I understood that the man had lost his leg and this leg was an artificial one. I was ashamed and realized I was the one who judged too soon and he wasn’t the one impolite person with no knowledge of communication skills. Now imagine if I had said my ideas out loud and pointed out that it’s better if he puts on his shoes. Would I be likable then?
So one of the most important things we have to know is not to judge.
Why do we judge?
I think it’s because of our ancestors. They feared for their lives. If someone passes us now, we say he is passing. Not a big deal. But if someone wanted to walk beside them then, they would have thought that he tried to kill them or attach them. Judging for their survival was natural.
But nowadays there is no need for misjudges. I hope you don’t get me wrong but you are judging at this very moment if you have to read the rest of this article or what kind of a person I am.
See? We are judging every second of our life and it’s inevitable. It seems it is essential for our survival.
Not only judging is not useful sometimes but also it can be harmful. If we want people to love us and we want to be likable, we have to notice when we judge and what it is we are deciding about the others.
The situation is not always the same as we see:
We should never judge by appearances.
We brought some solutions to control this particular specialty and I guarantee that if you use them, you can have a charismatic personality around people and be likable with no doubt.
An immediate question
Whenever we are judging, we have to ask ourselves immediately if this judgment is necessary. Will it help us?
Imagine you sit in a cab and the person sitting next to you is talking on a phone. We are curious and we complete her sentence without knowing what they are talking about and what info they had before which we don’t!
In this case, you can ask yourself is this judgment going to help that person or me or does it change our lives?
Complete the info
Now imagine that talking on the phone is your business because she is one of your employees and she’s talking on her phone while working.
At this moment our judgmental brain judges it the worst way it can. For example, it tells you: “see, what an irresponsible employee you have. She earns money for the time she spends on the phone and does her things.”
Maybe all of this is just a misunderstanding. We can’t judge when we have no information. One of the best ways is to complete our information. We can’t see the whole story unless we hear it from the person and complete our information. Therefore we misunderstand the entire point.
Now I have to tell you that she was talking on her cellphone because the office phone is disconnected and she diverted all the calls to her phone and it’s been days that she answered working calls at the office and her house too!
See the difference between the event and the feeling.
Imagine you have a meeting and she’s been late twice for 40 minutes.
Here, we don’t exactly differ the imagination and our feelings and we simply say that she’s ignoring us. It makes us feel better If we separate the event from the feeling. We can say: oh, she’s been late twice for 40 minutes. I think she’s ignoring me. (probably you’ve noticed now that I separated them and it feels better.)
When we separate the event from our feeling, it makes us conclude in another way. So when she comes, instead of telling her: “you are ignoring me,” We ask her: “I’ve been waiting for 40 minutes for the second time, is there any problem?”
It might be interesting to hear that the same situation happened to me once. When I asked my friend this question, he said that this wasn’t even the time we had a meeting!
I didn’t believe him until he showed me the text I had sent him and told him the date and the time of our meeting. Now imagine I would say to him my feeling instead of the event: you are not paying attention to me and what I say.
Don’t be certain in your talks especially to others.
One of the most effective techniques is not to be certain when we are talking ( and by talking I mean when you are judging)
For example, instead of saying “you always ignore me,” we can say “I think you don’t pay enough attention to me, am I wrong?”
When we are certain and use certain adverbs, there is a chance for misunderstandings to happen so when you are not certain, even if you are wrong, no one will blame you.
Careful where you comment
It’s essential to know where do you do it if you judge.
For example, we are a pessimist and we think our wife is doing something she shouldn’t. We’ve heard if from one of our common dear friends!
Now should we tell her about this (which we are sure of it) at a family party?
Of course not! We have to wait and ask about it in private.
The same story goes for commenting on websites! Sometimes you see some people ask something from you in comments (on a site or Instagram and so on) and you wish she/he would have questioned it in private or by sending an email.
Now it’s time to be likable!
One of the best ways to be likable is not to judge and be patient in judgment. I hope this article help you with that so that people around you will love you even more than they already do!