Being assertive in life
You supported “How to be more decisive and assertive?“, so I thought it’s best to write another essay about how to be more assertive in life.
I can explain it on a graph. In the coordinate system, there is the vertical axis, and abscissa.
Now imagine the vertical axis is me ( your personality ) and the abscissa is for the person whom we are communicating.
The top is for when I respect my self. The below is for the time I don’t consider myself respectful.
For the other party is the same. The more we go to the right in abscissa, the less we think the other party is respectful.
There are four reactions and behaviors:
1- Me: below – the other party: left
This situation happens when I consider myself disrespectful. But I believe the other party is very respectful. Here I start being shy. It means I don’t talk to them when I have to because I say it’s a shame and it’s embarrassing to talk to a guy with so much respect.
For example, I hit a top model car with mine. I come out of my car. The other person is shouting and asking me to be more careful. It was not my fault. He opened his door car carelessly, but I see his top model car, I look at my low model car and say to myself: it’s OK. He hit my none-modern car.
I become shy and don’t consider my rights.
2- Me: below – the other party: right
Here, I don’t respect myself nor my party. This time my behavior is intolerant. I start nagging, bringing excuses and strange activity.
In the car example, I say I am not valuable; he is not either. So I start nagging. I feel terrible and tell myself: why should he have a top model car like this? Why don’t I have one? The world is awful.
3- The other party: right – me: up
Sometimes the other party isn’t respectful, but we are. I am valuable, but the other party is not. So we become aggressive.
In the car accident example, I start shouting, swearing and I say: why God gives these top model cars to you and not to me? You think you have money; you own the world?
4- The other party: left – me: up
There are times that we both are valuable and respectful. Here our behavior is assertive in life.
So whenever we are not assertive in life, it means we don’t know our true self, and we can’t recognize ourselves and people.
In the car example, when you consider yourself and the party valuable, you are assertive. You say politely: you opened the door and it hit my car. I wonder how you would like to compensate. Can we discuss the price?
He might not answer you or become aggressive, but whatever he does, you see him as a respectful person, so you are assertive.
Read more in “An advanced guide on advantages and disadvantages of assertive behavior“
Be assertive in life
No one is disrespectful. All people are valuable and respectful as humans, even if they have done something wrong. They can be punished by law. They are still human beings and respectful as one.
So in every relationship and conversation, see where you and the other party stand and which sample you want to choose. We have to be careful not to be disrespectful and impolite to the others. We have to be assertive in life to have better relationships and gain happiness for our good.
Some people are shy at work, but when they come home, they see themselves above the family and start acting out, being aggressive and disrespectful.