Assertive and assertiveness
In this article, we learn to be aware of our actions and have the correct behavior when we want to request something. It all goes back to how to be more decisive and assertive?
One of the things that makes our lives miserable is not being assertive. Let me explain assertiveness.
Before we start learning, our behavior is similar to animals. How is that? We can separate our brain into two parts. One is the internal part, and the other is external. The outer part is related to logic, logical actions, and decisions, and it is mainly for humans. Our internal brain is where all the animal behaviors are.
The inner part only knows two solutions. Let’s go back to our ancestors. Imagine one of our ancestors wanted to come out of a cave. Suddenly he confronted an enormous lion standing there waiting to eat him. his inner brain analyzes the situation. Does he have enough power to defeat a lion?
Yes. Then let’s fight.
No. then let’s run.
It’s what our untrained brain does. We call it our instinct.
When a person is not trained enough and hasn’t learned anything, does the same as our ancestor when it comes to new situations.
Let’s get back to the real world now. For example, you are in line to buy a ticket for the cinema.
Suddenly, someone steps in front of you and breaks the line. If you haven’t trained, your internal brain starts analyzing the situation. Either you start fighting with the person, or you run. Running here doesn’t mean ‘running’. It means you become shy. You say nothing to the person who violated your rights and let him do whatever he wants.
Both solutions are inappropriate. You may be happy that you fought and won but do you feel great?
Now, assertiveness is the correct behavior. When someone comes in front of you when you are in a line, you say politely: “Sir, I was here in the line way before you came. May I ask you to go to the end of the line. Thank you so much.”
One of the situations we become angry and want to fight and argue is when someone criticizes us. When you don’t know how to answer the criticism, you fight and don’t accept the blame. If you have learned to be assertive, you say: “thank you for telling me this. But may I ask you what makes you think that way? Would you explain more?”
Some suggestions and solutions:
1- See in which situation you run and in which one you fight and argue.
2- Find someone to look after to and see what they do in hard conditions and what is their proper behavior and try to learn from them.
3- Put yourself in the situation. When something terrible happens, you want to fight and don’t know how to act, take a deep breath. Try to calm down and after that moment, think what would you do and what other options you have besides arguing and attaching that other person.