Try to remember. When was the last time someone has criticized you? when did someone give a compliment to you?
I hope we all can improve our relationship after reading this article.
In one of my books that I have written with two of my co-writers, we have talked about self-esteem. Most of us have lower self-esteem. As you know self-esteem is not self-confidence. You can learn about the differences in “Step by step explanation of the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem“.
If you want to see whether you have low self-esteem or not in a short time, ask yourself how many times can you give a compliment to someone?
Try to remember when was the last time someone has complimented you? For example, someone that had said well done, you did great!
It’s always been like this! we can easily criticize people but when we want to give a compliment, it seems the hardest thing to do.
When you are not sure of yourself and you have low self-esteem, you want to replace it by criticizing others. This way nagging, complaining and bringing excuses will become a routine in your daily life.
Step by step way to give a compliment
1- Try to use the name of the person you are talking to such as James, Katherine, Rosa, Albert, etc.
Why must we use their names? Because it makes our compliment uniquely theirs. They will feel great about it. it doesn’t seem it’s a daily compliment we give to every person we come across with.
2- Now you give a compliment
3- Finally, you have to give them a reason: why you are complimenting them!
When you have a reason for your compliment, it won’t become flattery. For example:
– My dear wife, …, you truly are a patient person because we had a couple of rough years in the beginning and you bore it with me.
– …, you’ve been a good friend to me because you always give me advice and help me get through my rough times.
– Now, you are the best audience one could ever have. I appreciate you reading my articles and trying to change yourselves, your lives and have a better future with the best relationships.
The birds that are born in a cage, consider flying as a disease and maybe some of us was born in a cage.
Sometimes giving compliments or hearing them is so strange for us because we never had the experience. We imagine it’s a bad thing. While it’s necessary. It’s as natural as saying hello.
People need to hear good things about themselves from others so that they feel good and keep moving forward. But sometimes we banned ourselves from it. some people bring excuses: this person has no shred of humanity in him, how can I give a compliment?
You have probably heard this story about Jesus Christ when he and his followers are passing by a dead dog with a bad smell. Some of his followers say:
– Yuk, what a disgusting smell
– What an awful view
Then Jesus said: wow, what white teeth it had!
See? Even the worst things have some good in them.
You need to attend some circumstances too:
1- You need to get used to giving compliments if you hadn’t before
Some might even mock you in this situation but it doesn’t have to stop you from giving compliments. For example, once in one of my workshops, I told the audience to send a message to one of their loved ones, say their name and give a compliment with its reason.
One of the ladies who has never done it for her husband and father received an answer like “what? What do you need now? Do you need a car or something?”
That lady showed me the answers so it’s possible to be mocked in the beginning but your audience will get used to is too.
The same situation goes for men too.
2- You have to give a compliment when you don’t need them.
It’s obvious that my business partner which is signing a contract with me right now gives me compliments. He wants to continue the deal and he needs me for it.
The true art is when you know how to give someone a compliment when you don’t need them.
Here, I say I have to mention that accountant, waiter or waitress and the manager of that restaurant although I have eaten my food and I don’t need them.
3- Find at least 10 of your good features and compliment yourself.
For example, you can say:
– Well done, you’re doing it now.
– Amazingly, you made this decision.
– It’s pretty good that you think of other people so much.
– That feature you have when you…, that one is perfect. Well done!
When you read your compliments, you see how wonderful you feel. So try to give a compliment to the others so that they can feel the same as you do now.
4- Family and friends
The next step is to find your family and friends’ features and compliment them.
For example, call your mother at 11 a.m. and thank her for taking such good care of you and raising you. no worries! You don’t need to have a special reason to call someone. They will get used to it and even communicate with you better.
It doesn’t matter to how many people or how many times you do it. only spread love and remember that no criticism!!!