Have you ever goofed up or made a mistake? or saying something terrible? How you can forgive yourself?
Have you noticed the way you react after that?
You may say why did I say that? why did I do this? to yourself all the time. You feel guilty, or it becomes an obsession and eats you from the inside out. You ruminate it. You feel good, everything is good then suddenly you remember it all over again and ask yourself those routine questions:
Why did I do it? Why did I say it?
Why didn’t I say that? Why didn’t I do this?
What is it means?
It can be not catching a joke, saying something you didn’t want to say, goofing up, laughing at the wrong time, not positioning or any other things or making a big mistake on public speaking
It makes us feel guilty, and it leads to self-care. It just strikes us, and we get annoyed.
Steps to forgiving yourself:
In this article, I want to talk to you about this. I mean the solution that shows us what to do to prevent these thoughts and the guilt from annoying us.
Step one, Find the reason
First, you ask yourself wasn’t it better if that wrong action never happened?
Yes, of course, it would be better but can we change it now? No, we can’t. So the only thing we can do now is to ease our pain about it. Thinking about it and wish we could undo it is inappropriate. I had a chance to speak with one of the Japanese professors in parliament library of Japan. And it was a good, long talk about 4 hours.
He said that Japanese people work on hows. It means they work on how to do something? How to make this? How to improve its productivity? He said American culture is to work on whys. It means they work on asking themselves why I should work? After identifying the why, they will go to the rest. They say why I should see the world like that? And generally, they work on whys. I laughed. Because some people work on IFs, we mostly talk about ifs and wishes: if only it would happen like that… if only we hadn’t voted for that person. It’s just looking at the back, and it doesn’t have any use for us. We have to correct it and we’re learning to do that.
Now what we have to do?
The first thing to know is that we have to put these ifs aside and find where it went wrong? We have to ask ourselves why we made this mistake. Is that mean I’m not able to find the right answer at the moment? Or I didn’t have the verbal intelligence, or maybe I am not fluent enough? Or perhaps I wasn’t fast enough to prepare a response. what was the problem?
So, I should learn it. I should learn that particular skill. Maybe I am not sensory acuity. We can learn these skills. They are teachable. I can easily buy take some courses to learn more.
Also, it can be fear. One of the main reasons that make people not to have productivity is dopamine and being anxious. It happens when we feel someone is superior to us, someone’s position, or beauty or more unique. For example, I want to speak with a legendary entrepreneur, and if I think he is above me and has a higher position, more dopamine ooze in my brain and my knowledge will not reach to its top point, and that’s the time I do something, say something that I will regret it later.
So it’s essential to correct the deficiency first. We have to manage it for ourselves and control it.
On the next blog post you will learn other steps…