We usually see someone and judge if he is self-confident or not. But we don’t exactly know what it means, let alone how to maintain self-confidence.
What is self-confidence?
You probably heard that if we succeed one time we enter the success circle, and we can’t come out of it easily; therefore, we accomplish many things after that, too.
Self-confidence means: being sure that we can do a task in its standard way.
It’s a straightforward definition. For example, I am writing this article now and believe that I can do it in a proper way which satisfies me, so I have enough self-confidence to do it. Now ask me to walk on a band between two rocks (not that much height). Even if it’s one meter above the ground, I know I can’t do it, and I don’t have enough self-confidence to do it either.
Self-confidence is not stable. We can’t say all people have the confidence or they don’t. It depends on the person and the situation. Let me tell you an example.
One of my friends was a great teacher with many students like 50. But when he had classes with 300 or 400 students, he became stressed and nervous.
One of my students said I am a pretty good public speaker, but when the girl who rejected me when I proposed to her is in my presentation, I lose my self-confidence and can’t talk very well.
How to maintain self-confidence?
First, we need to start with baby steps. It doesn’t have to be a huge victory. No! We have to take small steps to boost and maintain self-confidence.
Some steps to maintain self-confidence
1- Know your purpose
When you know what you want, you gain self-confidence. For example, many students at university or some public speakers present because they want to get a good score or earn money. They don’t have a purpose. They don’t know why they are performing so they don’t have enough self-confidence.
A person wants to get hired but doesn’t know why and what is his goal. I want someone to hire me because:
– I want to have a job.
– That’s it? Do you only want a job? Go somewhere else then, find another job!
If you know why you want something, you can figure out “how” to have it.
2- Being skillful and value the task
For example, imagine a presenter who has a public speaking, but he doesn’t value his audience or a professor who doesn’t care about his class. It happened to me once. One of my students came to me after class and said: I have seen your website and videos. I saw how energetic you are. Here, it’s like you are not yourself.
He was right. I told him that I felt this class is not motivated and doesn’t inspire me, so I don’t value this class. Therefore, the audience thinks I am not a good public speaker.
We may be skillful, but actually, we are not because we don’t trust ourselves to do it properly. And if we don’t value the task, we can’t do it well.
It’s the combination of valuing the task and being skilled at the same time that matters.
How to seem self-confident?
I want to suggest a practice. Try to consider a self-confident person around you. See what he/she does.
Imagine I am self-confident. I walk into my office. I take steady steps; I don’t crouch. My head is up, my clothes are clean, and I say hi to everyone very warmly.
My voice is almost loud. (It depends on the situation, though.) I sit behind my desk, and I know what I have to do.
Now think about this new situation: I walk into my office very slowly, my head is down, and I crouch. My clothes are not completely clean, and I am cold when I say hi to the others.
See other people, compare their actions and reactions. Then you’ll know who is self-confident and who is not. This way, you can learn how to maintain self-confidence by choosing someone to look up to.