Many of you are a member of “Payam Bahrampoor public speaking” website and like public speaking and presentation. However, you haven’t started presenting yet. In this article, I want to discuss some of the internal barriers to start a presentation which includes perfectionism.
three main barriers which prevent people from presenting in spite of loving it are:
2- Extreme desire for confirmation
3- Lack of self-belief and self-esteem
In this article, we talk about perfectionism which is the most critical barrier.
“I can’t start to do something; I constantly postpone my duties. Although I have many ideas, none of them get done. That is why I don’t feel great about myself. I always wait for the right moment to achieve my goals. It seems I am not ready yet. I do not enjoy my lifestyle and I only think about reaching my goals. I put so much effort into doing my job so that no one can see my disadvantages and defects. Even I can spend all my time working instead of enjoying my life for this reason. I believe a job must be done completely or not get done at all. That is why I lost many opportunities, and I am not satisfied with my life.”
It was the talking of a perfectionist. They believe they have to do a job in the best way, and they always expect to be perfect, without any defects. Perfectionists don’t accept to do something unless they do it correctly. These kinds of people often have many opened cases.
You have probably experienced this: when someone asks you why don’t you start reaching your goal, and you say: I will. There is still time. I will begin soon.
The delay comes from perfectionism belief. Perfectionism doesn’t let people succeed. It costs their opportunities in life, and it prevents them from achieving their goals.
Truth be told, it goes back to our childhood. Most people who suffer perfectionism probably figured out that they will feel valued when they are perfect, and they have done something perfectly in their childhood. They understood this message: a good kid is the one who is perfect without defects, then he/she will receive kindness from the parents.
It happens in classrooms as well. Teachers honor and admire the student who gains the best score and has done something great without defect. If the student does something wrong, this value lessens.
To know the perfectionism, we have to learn some of its behaviors in our daily life. Then we can take the next step and try to eliminate it.
1- To determine the highest levels of standards and criterion.
2- To have the mind of an idealist but to wait for the right moment.
3- To postpone the tasks to get ready enough
4- To be terrified beyond imagination because of failures and mistakes.
5- To be afraid of what people might say
6- To feel regretful because of the opportunities they have lost.
7- To get used to avoid hard situations.
8- To be extremely nervous in their daily lives.
9- To think that everything is black or white. Everything or nothing.
Avoiding hard situations and tasks is the most destructive one. Perfectionists become nervous when they confront a hard situation (such as public speaking and negotiation meeting), so they try to avoid them. This internal stress causes them to feel depressed.
Perfectionists think there should be everything or nothing because of their high-level standards so every task will be hard for them and they will become negligent step by step.
On the other hand, they always think of the worst case because they are afraid of what might others say. For example, if I am a negotiator, I know I am going to fail before even I enter the meeting. I think of the worst possibility before I enter the salon as a speaker and I review it regularly in my mind. Finally, these reviews decrease our mental energy, and we avoid doing these hard works (public speaking and negotiation).
Another way to recognize perfectionists is the fact that they avoid telling their disagreements in public because they are afraid that others may question them. They always take precautions to say something in public, and they are always in remorse for that. Therefore, they will lose their self-esteem.
They always blame themselves and think negative which results in not enjoying their lives. Perfectionists measure their value by their high-level standards; therefore when they don’t reach them, they feel weak.
Perfectionists underestimate small steps because they always see the bigger picture and an idealist life. They think they have to take a significant, big action to make a difference and succeed. They don’t appreciate small victories; therefore, they don’t feel valued in their lives.
These people want to be so perfect in one task, that they set aside other aspects of life and only work on one thing such as studying, business, etc. so probably they haven’t had the time to enjoy being with family, friends and learning communication skills.
They always compare themselves with the best ones in their field, and this comparison makes them be despair. They don’t forgive themselves when they make a tiny mistake and don’t forgive others when they make a mistake in communicating with them.
Perfectionists expect themselves to be happy and joyful all the time. So they will be upset when they express their anger or sadness during the day.
In this article, we tried to discuss the features of perfectionism. To solve the perfectionism problem, you have to know if you have these specialties or not then you can start eliminating them one by one. Easier way to know if you are a perfectionist or not is to ask yourself these questions:
1- Are you trying so hard to reach your goal?
2- Do you mostly concentrate on your failures or victories?
3- Do others tell you that you have high-level standards and criterion?
4- Are you afraid of not reaching your criterion?
5- Does your self-esteem depend on your success?
6- Do you avoid to start doing something because you want more time to get ready?
7- Do you think it’s not the right time to start your plan?
8- Do you have extremely ambitious dreams and goals?